13 December 2007



























So is it just me, or is watching your new child sleep among the most magical of events life has to offer - to the uninitiated perhaps akin to watching paint dry, though presumably to many others, wildly outpacing even the best of movies.

I stare wide-eyed, awaiting the next subtle movement or transition with the intensity and anticipation that a gambler might the Roulette wheel. Without the ever changing nuances of waves or fire, but with the same mesmerizing allure, I find myself captivated time and time again.

None of this is to suggest that Aitugan is any less appealing awake. Her fascination for all things crinkly, penchant for crawling up and over rather than around, and innate ability to join thumb and mouth never cease to draw fawning looks from her mother and me.

What have we done in these first 48 hours? Well lots of laundry for one. Did I mention that our prolific eating machine also excels in the regurgitative arts. Our newest concern is 'Do we have enough shirts with us to last the 30+ hour long journey from hotel to home?'. She seems to embellish one at least hourly, creating designs that rival the best spin art.

Aitugan has been sleeping remarkably well (of course with the sole excepting being as I write this this afternoon). This time though I just don't know what to do. Do I go the route of letting her cry it out and calm herself, or do I go and comfort her and try and reassure her that everything will be fine.

As it is, I am doing a bit of both, and with no clear result. She is of course happy when I go pick her up and walk her around and rock her, but I am no better off when at last I put her down again and at other times I let her cry until she inevitably finds her thumb, but unlike all the other time, the soothing that comes from that is not getting her to the point of sleep and the wailing begins within a minute or so.

I've changed her diaper, offered her formula, laid down with her and talked to her, all to no avail. We have been at this for just over 45 minutes, and while the period between her fits is lengthening, I am not sure we've had the last of them yet this go around. (P.S. - as one might guess, it stopped the minute I finished writing about it and she has been sound asleep for over an hour now)

Really I mean it when I say that apart from this most recent outburst, our first 48 have gone remarkably well. She has held pretty closely to the two hours awake and two asleep daytime pattern, and has astounded us with her evening sleep.

The first night she went down at 8:30, was awakened at 10:30 for a bottle, then took less than 2 minutes to get back to sleep and slept until 6:30. Last night went even better with her going to sleep at 9, a bottle at 11, and then not a sound until after 7:30. Dreams(new parents dreams anyway) are made of such things. If tempting fate didn't hold such high a penalty, I might even proclaim us lucky.

This afternoon we took our first venture as a threesome - okay that doesn't sound right, how about 'as a family' instead. Anyway, we pulled out the dreaded snowsuit and forcibly plied our child into its submissive encumberance. Thankfully the walk to the 'Neighborhood Cafe' (its real name) is a short one and the cars and people outside provided adequate distraction.

Given the range of possible outcomes for such an outing into her newly expanding world, she gave a star performance. I'm slightly ashamed as I think it through now, for at one point I attempted to placate her by having her dance on the table. What sort of parent encourages table dancing. Anyhow, she enjoyed it.

So the dancing is a relatively new thing for Aitugan. We were determined to surround her with music from the minute she got home, not so much because we are hoping to impart classical genius, but because we hoped she would find it soothing, and because we hoped it would help all of us if she could embrace nap time without perfect silence. To this point is appears to be working.

Yesterday was all about Nanci Griffith and Mary Chapin Carpenter, and thus far today we've had everything from Lyle Lovett and Bruce Cockburn to Sister Sledge and Meatloaf. No clear preferences on her part yet, though she was intrigued by several KT Tunstall videos that came with an album download.

We call it dancing though of course it is more of a weight shift from one leg to the other and back again, and unquestionably is influenced by the music - so yes, dancing. As one might imagine, her dancing is being highly encouraged by her parents, not because of our own dancing prowess, but rather, because it seems to really assist with her balance and strength, and you can't argue against that.

Another new fascination for Aitugan has been the front loading washing machine in the kitchen. First it goes one way, then the other, and there is swishing of water and swooshing of color. If somehow she could interact with it more I would market a child's toy version of it and retire.

I'll leave off with that and try and get some photos up before she awakes from her nap. KJ is off with Elena wrapping up some details and attempting to find some good reminders of our time in Kaz to bring home with us. Take Care.

22 comments:

Our Family of Bloggers said...

I've been thinking about you guys, but haven't wanted to call for fear of waking up a sleeping Aitugan, so I am thrilled that you are all doing so well and little Aitugan is adjusting so well. It gives us all a little hope! Enjoy your last couple of days here in Kaz, and here's to a quick and easy time in Almaty and home by Christmas maybe?

Monica said...

BEAUTIFUL pics! I love hearing how well your family life is going so far.
Continued best wishes for the 3 of you!
:)
Monica

Kristan and Mark said...

The pictures are incredible!!

There are many different theories on letting a baby cry, but in adoption, especially when just arriving home, it is best not to let them cry it out when putting them to sleep. She has done enough of that at the baby house. Letting her cry for a few minutes is one thing, but not for an extended period.

In saying that, you know your baby the best.

When we first got S, I had to rock her to sleep. Putting her in her crib she would scream on end. She would also cry when I rocked her because she didn't want to go to sleep and miss anything. Rocking is great for attachment, especially since she has never had it (rocking). Do what you have to do now to get her to sleep and then once home you can get in to whatever kind of routine works best for you guys.

Remember, you will get lots of advice from parents with bio babies...it is not the same, even though she is still a baby. The beginning of her life started out differently and she has to learn what it's like to have a mommie and daddy. And from all accounts, it is obvious you two are doing awesome and she loves it!!

When you get home here is a wonderful book that our IA doctor recommended: Adoption parenting.

It's a great resource. You can skim through and find what you need at any given time.

Matthew Ruley said...

You two are truly artists- creative nonfiction writing, photographers. Aitugan is just gorgous. I dont know if you read my blog, but I have said many times I cant wait to see our baby (whom we call Eyeball, because Aibawl is a common Kaz name apparently) sleep, with the rise and fall of the back and little baby breaths. I love baby skin too.

I am currently reading a book on adoption and parenting and I'm actually on the chapter on sleeping and sleeping problems. Many Internationally Adopted kids have problem sleeping, and it can be to start or as they grow older. It could be from many, many things - sadness for leaving their caretaker or just the mind racing from live's traumas in the past or fears (abandonment), when all becomes quiet. Every book I read says to hold the adopted baby and comfort the baby, that way you are teaching the child that you provide soothing, and to learn to trust you and therefore attach to you. Children your age who are with their birth parents can learn to sleep it out and self-sooth, but that is for children who have not had trauma.

Anyway, I'm not trying to tell you what you do- only you know what is best, and I'm not sure what we will do when we face that night or many nights. Its difficult. Our prayers are with you for a safe return and some really good peaceful nights of sleep for all!

Regina said...

"We pulled out the dreaded snowsuit and forcibly plied our child into its submissive encumberance."

You always find just the right words and turn of phrase. I am more than impressed.

Glad to see Aitugan is doing so darn well considering her sudden change of lifestyle. I think she seems like an real adventurer. I'm very glad to see music is a big part of your lives -- nothing else can offer so many developmental benefits in addition to just being a wonderful, magical thing!

Anonymous said...

Hey guys,
I am so incredibly happy for you! I got a tear in my eye when I read that you had been able to free your little miracle. She is beautiful beyond words, and I can't wait to see her in person. We here in the Harbor are so excited to get you guys home. Good luck with the rest of your adventure, and we'll see you soon!!
Merry Christmas!!
Love, Molly

marsrob said...

Beautiful post. Beautiful baby. Beautiful photos. It is wonderful to visit your blog.

And yes, we are also completely enchanted by our new baby's sleeping. It is truly magical - unlike anything else in the world. We waited so long to have this experience so now it is really difficult to keep our eyes off of her.

As far as the sleeping thing - we read lots and lots about adoption and orphanages etc. - and we came to the conclusion together that we will rock/hold our baby until she sleeps and not put her into her crib until she is so asleep that she wouldn't know the difference. Ok, admittedly, after 8 days, this is lots of work...2 naps each day and a few times waking each night requires lots of cuddling and holding and rocking - but, sometimes she is out like a light almost instantly and sometimes she takes an hour to calm down and go into deep sleep. Regardless, given what she has been through, we think it is worth it. We read somewhere (in one of the millions of books we read before we left for Kaz) that babies don't just need us when they are awake...

Anyways, ultimately, the most important thing is that we all do what is right in our hearts for our children and each family is different and so we'd just say follow your heart and your instinct and do what feels good for you and your baby. We are on a sharp, sharp learning curve with Aila this week and each day more becomes clear.

Thinking of you all!

Jennifer & Marshall

Susan said...

Your pictures are just incredible!!! You are so talented-and she of course, is a gorgeous child.

I could not do the "let the kid cry it out thing" when my son was a baby. He was not adopted, but i just couldn't do it. I am a huge softie, and I Just didn't like him to cry, so he slept with us a lot...in fact, he still does. I get a lot of criticsm for that too from other parents. But, I don't care-I don't think he'll be sleepin with us when he's 16. Or, maybe he will, but i doubt it.

I think every parent needs to do what they feel is the right thing for their family. It sounds like you are doing a great job-she sounds like she is adjusting very well.

Your pictures and your words are just amazing. I'm so happy for you 3. She will love to look back when she's older and see how much she is loved, from the moment you laid your eyes on her.

Sleeping babies are the best. In fact, i still love my sleeping 9 year old. :)

Anonymous said...

It was fun to read about your first day as a family. Seeing her stand in front of the washing machine makes me think she will be walking before you know it - and dancing! What glorious photos and fun words. Talk about Christmas Joy - she is it!!

Julian and Sara said...

We are waiting for our LOI to Almaty sometime in the new year. We pass the time with daily Kazmo blog checks and marvel at your writing and photography skills, not to mention how darn cute Aitugan is. Our taste in music seems to be the same as yours! Can't wait to dance with our little one. Thanks for letting us share your wonderful journey!

Don, Michelle, Zachary, and Alexander said...

Congratulations! I remember crying the first night as I watched my son sleep the night away. Our younger son has reflux (which our pediatrician attributes partly to the style of feeding in the baby home). We initially didn't feed him any milk and boosted the head of his crib. It has made a huge difference in the spitting up. Best of luck!

Unknown said...

She looks so amazingly happy.....Congrats on your first few days together. You brought back memories of creating a special "Zia sleep" play list on the ipod, which quickly became Zia's ipod/speaker that started on our first night together and continued for a few years. She came to recognize the soothing music as part of her routine and it helped for when we travelled (yep..."her" ipod and speaker always came along too). You guys will find the right solution for your family and whatever it is, it will be the one that is perfect (at least most of the time...) for you.

Please pass on our hello's to Dina, and I wish you safe uneventful travels home!

April in LA...proud Mom to the now 4 yr old Zia.

The Cook said...

Sleep is such a funny thing. We used to do laps around the apartment building with Sophia in the sling until she fell asleep and sometimes this was at 3am! We did not let her cry it out ever, not until she was about a year old and home for several months. What we did is leave her in her makeshift crib and just sit on the floor or lay down pretending to be asleep next to her but out of her reach. When she cried, without talking we would rub her back for a few seconds. It worked really well. You will find when you are crammed into a hotel room in Almaty everything goes out the window anyway.
While we were there we put her to bed a few times with a bottle full of water and she loved that, we just snuck in when she was out and took the bottle back. Our doctor said water bottles are fine as long as it is not juice or milk because the teeth will be damaged.
I still love to watch Sophie sleep. I pick her up and put her in bed with me and watch her for an hour or so then put her back in her crib and she never wakes up.

I love the way you write.

Gretchen said...

Ah yes, sleeping through the night. I remember it as though it were yesterday... At first Serik slept all night too. He would get a little restless around 3 or 4 am but not fully awake or cry out. I finally realized that he was hungry at this time. He wasn't crying because well, you know. Anyway, once we started feeding him in the middle of the night, he realized "hey, I can get what I want if I let them know".

He still awakens in the night for a bottle and I have to admit I'm a bit tired of it but last night I realized how cool it feels to fulfill a child's need when you are the only person that can fill it. There is nothing better than putting him back to bed with a little smile on his face knowing his belly is full and his diaper is dry.

I'm so glad all is going well for you. She is adorable and looks like she is having so much fun with you!

Angela said...

To watch a sleeping child - my sleeping child - floods me with a sense of peace and calm. There is nothing else like it! Glad you are enjoying full-time parenthood!

Anonymous said...

I don't even agree with letting bio kids cry it out. I always felt like crying was due to something, tiredness or a need to be held, changed...anything. If you are able to provide comfort then do it. I believe they are comforted even if they don't stop crying.
Oh you guys are so gonna love all the parenting advice....LOL. Take it all with a grain of salt and take you cues from Aitugan and your own intuition. You will do fine...

Karen Smithey said...

What wonderful pictures! I've been following your journey for some time now, and am so happy that the three of you are on the final leg!

I still watch my children sleeping with amazement and wonder, and they inclue a 5'10" 14 year old boy, and two little girls. They always amaze me... You will continue to love the journey.

Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

The fingers appear over the "crib" top and then her precious face bursts into a smile and her eyes dance as she pulls herself up to stand.

These are moments to cherish forever. And you have beautifully in photo and in word. G

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is gorgeous. You don't know me, but two of my children are from the Hope Baby Home (in 2004) and everynight they ask that we look at the 'baby' photos of your sweetheart. I've 4 all from KAZ and all through MAPS as well. The video clips are a huge hit. Thank you for helping keep my kiddos interest in their homeland.

Sincerely, Shelley in Los Angeles with Kira (Kostanai), Leyna and John (Astana) and Matthew (Arkalyk)

Trudi said...

Once again, your photos are award-worthy. Simply beautiful shots of your beautiful daughter. I enjoy logging into your blog every morning to learn a little more about her. Thank you for sharing.

Pam said...

I'm a single mom who adopted my now 29 mos. old son from Ust Kamenogorsk in April 2006 and have been enthusiastically following your journey on a daily basis.

More than once I've been brought to tears reading your words, reliving the anticipation, the experience of the bonding period, most of all the the day you brought Aitugan out of the baby house, and now, the segue to parenthood under less than optimal conditions.

Your photos alone could have told the story (and I appreciate them all the more as a budding amateur photographer), but your words were the proverbial icing on the cake. You have succeeded in creating a spectacular journal for your daughter, not only of your beginnings as a family, but also of the place from which she comes. It will be, without question, an absolute treasure for her.

I still enter my son's room every night before going to bed and make sure he is covered. I stand quietly beside him watching him peacefully sleep, often contemplating even for just a few moments the life he left behind and the life he has now. A myriad of emotions inevitably fill me, but mostly ones of joy and the wonder of how I ever got so lucky to raise this beautiful little boy. Parenthood is truly a gift.

Enjoy the remaining moments of your stay in Kazakhstan, challenging as they may be. I have no doubt you will find yourself in the very near future looking back fondly at even these days.

All the best,
Pam (and Nicholas)
Richmond, Virginia

Anonymous said...

Hello again. Suzanne says "hi" and she was very jealous that I got to meet little Tugy. It was great to see you and I hope all continues to go well. The newer pics are wonderful. See you later. JZ.