Well that sure was a quick month. I can't believe we are almost into month two of 2009.

In our last blog post we had just heard that our adoption dossier had been sent to the Kazakhstan Consulate in NY. As of mid January it had cleared the Consulate and was in Kaz at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

It seems so very different to talk about all this this time around. With Tougy we went into all sorts of details about the various stages of the application process and spelled out each step. Now with this second process I feel I am short-cutting all sorts of information, and in a way it has led to a slight diminishment in excitation and expectation.

It is not that we aren't equally excited about everything this time around, it is just that before, KJ and I were waiting to begin this whole new chapter in our lives. We were on the road to becoming parents.

This time around we are parents already. We know some of what to expect. We understand, in part, how our lives will be different. We know how the in-country portion of the process works.

We also recognize that there is still a whole lot of learning that lies ahead. Learning about the second child and discovering how the introduction of a second child will redraw our relationships and patterns with each other.

Still I just can't shake the feeling that it is difficult to present the same emotional anticipation that we had the first time around, and I am not sure I have come to grips with that yet.

As I sit here on this last morning of January 2009 with Tougy asleep upstairs in her room, I am thinking that our agency is suggesting that we may be traveling as early as May. May people - that's close! And yet you don't hear me talk about it all that much.

If we are to travel to meet a child in the early part of the summer, that means that that child is alive right now. That child has a name. It cries when it gets hungry, it sleeps, it poops, it maybe even smiles.

Okay, I have to be honest, I have no idea what children that young do. It baffles me a little.

We met Tougy late in her sixth month and she was already crawling, so in my mind she always crawled and sat up on her own and smiled and laughed and looked at herself in the mirror. Intellectually I know that is not the case, but I am the dad of a nearly two year old girl, who has the time for intellectual thought.

But my point is, there is a living, breathing, feeling child in the world today who will grow up with Tougy as a sister and KJ and I as their parents. Thinking of it in those terms helps remind me that this process is well on its way, and that it will be life-altering and transformative for everyone involved.

When we began this blog we were neophytes in the ways of International Adoption. We participated in a number of Yahoo groups that dealt with adoption. We read every Kaz adoption blog we could find. And we lived, ate, and breathed to complete our dossier.

Now, it feels completely different. I give a cursory glance at the topics on the Yahoo boards but rarely read the postings. I have a folder of Kaz blogs bookmarked, but if I check on more than five a week it would surprise me. And as for the dossier - yeah it is in Kaz doing its thing.

Writing this all out makes me feel very Scrooge-like. That is not it at all I assure you. It just takes a different priority/anxiety level the second time around.

The reality is that while with Aiugan's adoption we were emotionally tortured and threadbare about the whole process, the experience helped ease us into our new reality.

This time around I fear that our overconfidence and nonchalance will have the opposite effect and we will find ourselves a family of four faster than we know it, caught a little off guard, and scratching our heads in amazement wondering how it happened so quickly.

Just as we were not the first couple to become parents to one child, I am quite certain we are also not the first to have a second. Everything will work out and we will find our way. Life moves forward. Take Care.

























The photos are from a few days ago in the early stages of a snow storm that lasted all day and left a new foot of snow for us to play in.

The three of us went to the Botanical Gardens to walk some of the trails and then KJ and Tougy made snow angels in a field. It was a great way to spend part of a morning, and I thank KJ for convincing me to go with them, as I admit, a big part of me just wanted to stay home and be warm. Of course KJ was right. I am glad I went.

2008 has come to a close, and with it, so does our first full year with our incredible daughter Aitugan.

Where does one begin to sum up their first year as a parent. Do you attempt to convey the incredible changes you've witnessed in your child written from the perspective of an objective observer, or do you try and incorporate the myriad ways in which you have changed and grown in as many, or perhaps even more, ways as has the child.

I know it sounds cliche to say that nothing can quite prepare you for parenthood, but let's face it, things become cliche because they ring true for so many. What a year it was.

On the one hand, it would be easy to state that physically she is an entirely different child than she was at the beginning of the year, though at the same time, you can find roots to many of her current behaviors and attitudes that stretch back to our first days with her in Kazakhstan in late 2007.

Every day reveals something old, something new, something borrowed, and something ... pink.

On the old side of things are the patterns and processes that continue to be reinforced and expressed as her 'nature'. She is bold, engaging, loving, explorative, independent, tender, and compassionate.

On the new end of the spectrum are the actions and words that expose both her physical development and emotional awareness. She has always been a very active girl, but every day brings new surprises and calls for greater autonomy. She clearly expresses her wants and feelings and is beginning to understand how to talk about sentiments like happy, sad and tired.

As for borrowed, she is clearly coming into a stage of intense mirroring. Older children seem to have the greatest influence upon her, but she also reflects the language, posturing, and actions of adults as well. She watches intently and listens to more than we are often aware.

And the pink, well, I just sort of had to throw that in there. She does, however, like to have input into what she wears and enjoys the freedom of choice, even if those choices are often imperiously choreographed by us.  

The upcoming year promises even more exciting developments and new twists.

2008 ended with a flurry of activity, and I am sorry to have been so neglectful of the blog of late.  I wish I could tell you I will be better in the coming months, but time will tell.

In the area of exciting news, late December brought two nuggets our way.  First, after 1 year and a half on the market, our old house in Lovell is finally under contract and set to close this month.  What relief that will be to have that now fully behind us.

Second, we learned that our dossier for our next adoption was received by the Kazak consulate in NYC on 23 Dec, 363 days after we arrived home with Tougy.  Timelines for adoption paperwork are always difficult to speculate upon, though we anticipate having completed our adoption by this time next year.

As of this point, I don't know quite what we will do about a blog for the second adoption.  Will we maintain a second wholly distinct blog, or will we blend them both into this one?  It has yet to be seen.  I can clearly see the struggle of the 'second child syndrome' developing.  Already I find myself reacting differently the second time through, and I must admit, it gives me pause.

I recognize that every family and every child is different regardless of birth order, but in an attempt at keeping things level, I feel a need to remain cognizant of the way in which I approach both of these life changing events.  We are all something I suppose, be it only child, baby of the family, oldest child, 7 of 11, only girl, what have you.  As for me, my label was middle child and I think I behaved accordingly - sorry mom and dad.

So December wrapped up with lots of activity.  In the middle of the month Tougy and I drove down to New York to spend a night with my older brother and his family.  The next weekend KJ, Tougy and I flew to Chicago for a few days with most of the rest of my family.  Christmas day was spent here at home with just the 3 of us, then we spent a day with KJ's family here in Maine a few days later.  

Just after New Year's, we drove out to Cape Cod to spend a wonderful 2 days with Jen, Marshall and Aila Robinson.  As I write this, KJ is in Portland with Tougy dropping off KJ's brother and his girlfriend at the airport after a nice few days with them.

Next Friday, KJ, Tougy and I fly to Orlando for a week in Florida.  It will be great to see green again and to have Tougy be able to play outside in something less than a snowsuit.  Who knows, Tougy may even spend some time at the big mouse's place.  That should give us a few more photos opportunities - you know, since we take so few!

We hope you are all well and would like to again thank you for showing an interest in our story.  It has been an amazing journey and 2009 shows no hint of letting up.  Take Care.