So it is a grey and overcast day here in Boothbay and we have just put Tougy down for her nap. Of course she is not sleeping yet. She is in her bed with her doll Bobek whom she has lavished her attention upon for weeks now.

At the moment she has just finished pretending to feed it a bottle of milk and is along side it as it lies face down on a pillow with Tougy rubbing its back and singing quietly to it. She has been incredibly motherly these last few months, changing Bobek, going to Bobek when she says he is crying, feeding Bobek and rocking Bobek.

It will be so nice to finally have a name and a gender to replace the fruitless attempts all of us have been making to not ascribe a pronoun to the idea of Bobek. Bobek the doll is most frequently a boy, but if you ask Tougy what the real Bobek will be, she mostly says a girl. Either way, Tougy is very excited about her perceived role as a big sister. Of course when reality hits the road, we anticipate a somewhat less warm and fuzzy reception.

For all that our adoption process with Tougy in 2007 was great in that it allowed us to adjust slowly to the concept of becoming a family, that Tougy will get to slowly transition to a new reality of Bobek an hour a day will be most helpful. Certainly the Kazakh adoption process has its frustrations, but the two months of in-county time has always had great appeal to us.

Now that we have a date, we have begun to turn our attention towards the necessity of keeping Tougy engaged and busy during our life in Shymkent. Packing this time around is sure different. Legos, books, craft projects, and personal comforts for Tougy such as blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals seem to be filling our bags fast.

Though we have talked about it as much as we can, the fact that Tougy will have very few people to talk to during our time in Kaz cannot be well conveyed. It will be interesting to see how this affects her. I anticipate that it will decrease her sense of independence and increase her reliance upon us as well as bring out a shyer side to her. We will see.

Of course the topic of Bobek has been fairly all consuming of late. Several times over the last few days as KJ and I have been talking, Tougy has said to us "Excuse me mommy, are you talking about adoption?" To which we usually respond, "Do you want to talk about adoption?" which invariably leads to a "Yes!"

At this point, we usually just wait to see where her thoughts are going. Sometimes she will begin to talk about how we adopted her and how we came to the Astana Baby House for her. Other times she talks about how Bobek is in the Shymkent Baby House waiting for his mommy and daddy and big sister to come. And still other times she will begin to list off all her friends who have been adopted - Rylie, Charles, Aila, Jude, Rafa, Rhodie, Zoe, Leeza, and the list goes on.

As she lists off the names of friends she has who are adopted, it reminds us how much the world of adoption figures into our lives these days. Do we even know any kids who were not adopted. Surely there must be some out there.

Over the past few days Tougy has taken to calling Bobek on her cell phone. Remarkably she carries out long and thought out conversations telling him about the long flights we will be making and how we will be coming soon to hold him and to make him smile. She tells him that she will hold him when he cries and tickle him and explains that his room is next to hers and that he will use her old crib.

Man is it difficult to maintain a narrative without pronouns. We most often say 'he' out of convenience and to avoid confusion about whether 'she' refers to Bobek or Tougy, though we truthfully have no idea. The only thing we feel confident with is that we will know our child when the time comes, and we hope that it comes November 2nd.

Presently, that moment is just more than two weeks away. Incredible to contemplate that all of this speculation and uncertainty may well be replaced with a loving face around the time most of our kids are fighting off sleep in a sugar-induced post-Halloween coma late Sunday night.

Our plan, at least at the moment, is to leave Tougy with someone our agency has found in Shymkent for the few hours that KJ and I initially go to the baby house and meet children. It is my hope that Tougy is still so wiped out from the travel and time changes that she never knows we were gone, but in the back of my mind I know it will not be so easy. All other times we anticipate having Tougy with us.

That we will be the three of us together so intensely for the next couple of months will also require some adjustments. There will be no work, no school, no dogs, no friends, no familiar sights and places. It will be very intense, and I imagine will impact our relationships in formidable ways.

It will be interesting to see exactly how Tougy transitions going from two months of intensified attention, to a new era of divided attention and distraction. Like so many other areas of parenthood, and indeed life itself, ours are not the first lives to make this transition. It is a journey of discovery after all.

So that wraps up a few thoughts and stories I wanted to share and want to end by saying thanks to all of you who so supportingly have followed us over the years. My memory is not such where I can keep all the names straight, but I want to let you know that we appreciate the love and support we have received through our journey, both from those known to us and from those known to us simply as Layla, Kathy, mcMary, Thad and Ann, Quaintance, Kari J, Andrea, makandaddie, Winde, Rob and Donalee, Abby, Pat and Alli... the list goes on. Unfortunately, for many of you we have no way of getting back to you as your profile often does not have an email or your blog is private and so we are left looking ungrateful. Know that is is meaningful to us and that we would love to share more, so leave an email address or contact us at steve.morrison@mac.com.

Take Care.

P.S. Just checked the weather forecast for Shymkent and am happy to report that the next 4 days call for nothing but sun and highs of 75, 76, 77, and 76. Watching it snow in Boston during the Patriots game, I will gladly trade.