Yeah, things were better today...

As you can see, our swanky new digs are a far cry from the dregs of old.  I cannot tell you how amazingly different everything was given this new space in which to visit with Nurai, though I think you can no doubt feel the difference in the photos.  Such a wonderfully different vibe.

Nurai was a completely different child as well today.  So devastating to think that as she approaches eleven months old, this is likely the first time she has been given the space and opportunity to roll around and explore.

She was incredibly chatty and inquisitive.  She maneuvered herself in full circles and numerous times brought herself up into crawl position, though never actually made any way.

Tougy was wholly different as well.  She finally had the space and permission to be a toddler during our visits and could move around, run, jump, climb, and be noisy all without getting so much as a sideways glance from us.

It was so liberating to not bear, nor transfer on to Tougy, the stress that came from visiting in the hallway outside the director's office.  I can tell you it was a great day and yet I feel both joy and sadness watching Nurai blossom.  The joy is obvious.  The sadness comes from thinking of what could have been, and perhaps should have been.

Sad also to think that beginning next week and continuing until we return, her days will reinvent themselves into hours of idle awaiting.  I don't fault the Baby House nor its staff necessarily for the fact that the children get so little attention and development, it is a mostly a matter of finance, but it is sad none the less.

As you can see, given our new found privacy and space, we also forwent the masks today.  I can't help but lament the absurdity and randomness of this measure.  KJ and I were asked to wear them, Tougy was not.  Our translator wore one, our driver (who moved around the baby house far more than any of us) did not, some of the staff wore them always, some never, and some always seemed to have them at the ready near their chin.

All the same, it was nice to interact with Bounder in a more intimate and personal way and for her to see our facial expressions, and our faces in general.  Sure there is voice and tone and other things to latch on to, but primarily she is bonding with a face and learning to respond to our expressions.  To strip that away in the overly optimistic hope that our wearing a mask will keep the children healthy has been just another frustration to this point.

So now we have one more of these wonderful visits to look forward to tomorrow before our last weekend here.  I am grateful for the chance to visit Nurai in such conditions, and for these to be our parting memories as we prepare to leave for a number of weeks.

I don't yet know what Mondays schedule will look like, though as our court session is set for 2:30 and as the music room is not available until after 1:00, it seems unlikely that will will have anything but a hallway visit Monday.

We have asked if it might be possible to return to the Baby House following court to hold her again and to tell her of the courts decision and to take another photo of the four of us before leaving.

It is difficult to second guess what might have been, but given that we came over to Kaz intending to stay the duration of the process, I imagine that the likelihood of that having happened would have been infinitely greater had we been able to visit Nurai in conditions such as we had today.  In time it will be but a piece of our story, but tonight it weighs heavy upon us still.

Today's photos of the four of us are actually the first we have taken together.  So glad we finally had the space and light to do so.  It was so very nice to leave the flash in the bag all day long as I have never been fond of flash images, but obviously had little choice until now.

I am thrilled to finally have some of the sorts of images of Nurai that we have of Tougy from her process.  It is an important part of her life and I am grateful to have images that now honor both the gravitas and humanity of the moment.  We love you Nurai and are overjoyed that we will all soon be a family.

Take Care.