In our last blog post we had just heard that our adoption dossier had been sent to the Kazakhstan Consulate in NY. As of mid January it had cleared the Consulate and was in Kaz at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
It seems so very different to talk about all this this time around. With Tougy we went into all sorts of details about the various stages of the application process and spelled out each step. Now with this second process I feel I am short-cutting all sorts of information, and in a way it has led to a slight diminishment in excitation and expectation.
It is not that we aren't equally excited about everything this time around, it is just that before, KJ and I were waiting to begin this whole new chapter in our lives. We were on the road to becoming parents.
This time around we are parents already. We know some of what to expect. We understand, in part, how our lives will be different. We know how the in-country portion of the process works.
We also recognize that there is still a whole lot of learning that lies ahead. Learning about the second child and discovering how the introduction of a second child will redraw our relationships and patterns with each other.
Still I just can't shake the feeling that it is difficult to present the same emotional anticipation that we had the first time around, and I am not sure I have come to grips with that yet.
As I sit here on this last morning of January 2009 with Tougy asleep upstairs in her room, I am thinking that our agency is suggesting that we may be traveling as early as May. May people - that's close! And yet you don't hear me talk about it all that much.
If we are to travel to meet a child in the early part of the summer, that means that that child is alive right now. That child has a name. It cries when it gets hungry, it sleeps, it poops, it maybe even smiles.
Okay, I have to be honest, I have no idea what children that young do. It baffles me a little.
We met Tougy late in her sixth month and she was already crawling, so in my mind she always crawled and sat up on her own and smiled and laughed and looked at herself in the mirror. Intellectually I know that is not the case, but I am the dad of a nearly two year old girl, who has the time for intellectual thought.
But my point is, there is a living, breathing, feeling child in the world today who will grow up with Tougy as a sister and KJ and I as their parents. Thinking of it in those terms helps remind me that this process is well on its way, and that it will be life-altering and transformative for everyone involved.
When we began this blog we were neophytes in the ways of International Adoption. We participated in a number of Yahoo groups that dealt with adoption. We read every Kaz adoption blog we could find. And we lived, ate, and breathed to complete our dossier.
Now, it feels completely different. I give a cursory glance at the topics on the Yahoo boards but rarely read the postings. I have a folder of Kaz blogs bookmarked, but if I check on more than five a week it would surprise me. And as for the dossier - yeah it is in Kaz doing its thing.
Writing this all out makes me feel very Scrooge-like. That is not it at all I assure you. It just takes a different priority/anxiety level the second time around.
The reality is that while with Aiugan's adoption we were emotionally tortured and threadbare about the whole process, the experience helped ease us into our new reality.
This time around I fear that our overconfidence and nonchalance will have the opposite effect and we will find ourselves a family of four faster than we know it, caught a little off guard, and scratching our heads in amazement wondering how it happened so quickly.
Just as we were not the first couple to become parents to one child, I am quite certain we are also not the first to have a second. Everything will work out and we will find our way. Life moves forward. Take Care.
The photos are from a few days ago in the early stages of a snow storm that lasted all day and left a new foot of snow for us to play in.
The three of us went to the Botanical Gardens to walk some of the trails and then KJ and Tougy made snow angels in a field. It was a great way to spend part of a morning, and I thank KJ for convincing me to go with them, as I admit, a big part of me just wanted to stay home and be warm. Of course KJ was right. I am glad I went.
22 comments:
Wow that is a ton of snow. It looks beautiful and you guy look like you're having a blast.
Sandi
JEALOUS!!
Next winter we are coming to Maine. How am I going to raise a child who doesn't know what snow angels are?
Those pictures are beautiful. Love the shades pictures of both of your ladies :-)
Hugs to all of you!
Awesome photos! So envious of your snow! I miss New England.
Hello from Spain. have a beautiful girl, we are in the process of adoption in kazakhstan and waiting to call us to travel. I love reading your blog.
greetings and congratulations for your daughter.
Your photos are gorgeous and really and truly speak of the season -- or at least how the season should be! Glad to catch up.
SK
PS. If it counts for anything, I think my vote would be to blend the two blogs to one. After all, it is a journey of your family, and the story will read beautifully as we watch your family grow. To avoid second child syndrom, and lord knows we understand, make sure baby #2 has his/her own scrapbook/album of his journey home. On that note, if you ever decided to print your blog into a book (blurb.com) you can always "cut and paste" so that Baby #2 has a final book that begins with his/her journey. I've given this thought about my own journey too. After all, I have a blog now, but never had one for my two other kids! Will they feel deprived? I sure hope not, so I call it a family journey.
Steph
Ok, if RI looked like THAT, I'd never complain. NEVER. I said that to Marshall this morning. RI is so slushy and gray and ugly in the snow - only every now and then is it beautifully iced. I just about had it when he went out to shovel our front steps today and came back in and said not to go out because it was too icy and dangeerous. DONE. But seeing these pics - oh. Cape Cod and Boothbay. Those are places to be when it is winter! You all look GORGEOUS.
Beautiful and all, but my first thought was "brrrr". ;-)
Beautiful photos! Aitugan looks like a cute little snowbird!
Eileen
Wow! As always, your photos are beautiful. I wish we had snow in which to play around here!
I totally understand what you mean regarding the difference in preperation and level of emotion the second time around as we experienced that as well. It is a different feeling, and already being a parent and knowing the ins and outs adds a layer that you didn't have before. Enjoy the ride, the little things seem that much sweeter and as easy as your transition was before, it will be even easier this time but yet different all at once. Best of luck.
We had a gathering of local Kaz folks last night, 2 of them are adopting again for their second. They mirrored your sentiments almost exactly. Toddlers take up most of your emotional energy....you only have left the cerebral "get it done" side of you most likely. I think the second will benefit from your experiences in a different way but unique to him/her and just as special. For him/her, you will be their "FIRST" experience of Family and Tougy as a sister, well, I think he/she will have enough emotional energy for all of you! So excited for you...
Beautiful photos and poignant words - as always! We, too, are going for #2 but are just at the beginning stages. It really is more of just going through the motions this time around. No doubt there will be a time or event that will solicit an eruption of pent up emotion - when it is least expected, of course.
Beautiful and moving post. Working on baby #3, I have often felt some of your sentiments, as my time is so taken up with the day to day of my life. however, as this will be our first adoption,i also feel an excitement for an experience never had before, and one that, beautifully, can be shared with our two girls as well. It will be the first time Tougy gets to be a big sister, and that excitement, as it comes, is sure to be beautiful as you watch the first moments unfold, and the love growing from there. Yes, there is a baby that waits for you -- what a lucky and much photographed baby it will be!
Steph
great pics. I know what you mean by the second child. I still was not as prepared for the second one even as I was watching my stomach get bigger and bigger. Emotionally, our journey to Sophie was all consuming.
I am certainly glad you did go along as if you had stayed indoors, we wouldn't have these beautiful photos!
As for your feelings about your second journey to your child: normal. Doesn't matter if it's adoption or bio. What it means is you are now comfortable as a parent and really know that the old adage "all in good time" is for real. It's growth in understanding and acceptance, nothing else, that makes you calmer this time around. I guarantee you that you will have butterflies when you are flying over and your hearts will burst with joy when you meet your second child.
Your sentiments about round 2 ring true for most people I think. I expect to feel similarly when we embark on a second journey.
Newly fallen snow sure does make a great backdrop. So bright and fresh. The subject matter ain't so shabby either. :-)
The great snow storms of the northeast 2009! It is beautiful. Love the one where Tougy has snow all over her face.
Your post made me smile. We wrote on the same topic around the same time, but opposite thoughts. Judging by the rest of your comments, I think I'm in the minority!
May though, wow! That would be so amazingly fast! Ok, I'm giddy for you guys. :-)
I can totally relate to what you are feeling the second time around. I just don't have the same sense of urgency and anticipation this time around. While we are very happy and excited to become a family of four - in a way I don't want it to happen too soon as I want to savor the time with Miras alone for a little longer. In fact, it is a shame that Miras's sibling won't have that luxury of having us all to him or herself. I guess that is the advantage of the first born (I was one). Though it is probably a good thing that I feel this way as we already have a delay - I guess the consulate is backed up after the holidays so LMI told us to hold off on dossier preparation until further notice (whenever that will be!).
I'm envious that you are already through all that. And I'm envious of your snow as we haven't had more than 1/2 inch all season!
Great to see these pictures of Aitugan !!! We still remember you and are happy to see that you feel so good together ! Please keep us informed about your second adoption !
There is a Belgian couple in Astana right now (the first Belgians after our stay !).
Aitugan looks so lovely !!
Give her a big hug from her orphanage friend Anna-Lina (who is doing great also !)
Heidi and Stefan and Miki and Anna-Lina
Beautiful pictures as always. I can understand the lack of excitement with this round. It's not an unknown and you know what to expect this time. I have thought for my second adoption it will be more relaxed. I'm more stressed about how I'm going to handle two. Tougy is just beautiful and I'm looking forward to following along while you're in Kaz. How long has it taken from applicaltion to travel?
Love the snowy pictures--you have two beautiful ladies there.
I bet you will be a family of four before you know it and it will all work out--once again, the world as you know it will change for the better.
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